When Love is Tough

I'm still feeling a little sad, and guilty, over leaving D. I know, logically, it's only for a few days. But I see my role, in our relationship, as the "supporter." I'm around to cheer him on, and to be there. To do the things for him, that he needs.

And when I'm not around, I feel insanely guilty! It might sound weird to some. But in our crazy, and very chaotic life, that's just the way it is. Plain and simple. He does so much for me, that I feel like I'm supposed to be there, doing for him as well.

I'm not joking when I say this, Sunday just broke my heart. All I wanted to do, was crawl back into bed. To be there for the man, that is always there for me. Talk about hard to do. How do you walk away from someone, that loves you that much? That does so much for you. And gives up so much, to just be with you. It was so hard! But of all the things that I've learned, in relationships, sometimes you just have to do things for you.

The look in his eyes, on Sunday morning, made me want to crawl back into bed. To cuddle with him. Right up until he had to go to work. There is nothing like feeling his arms, wrapped rightly around me. Knowing that he loves me so incredibly much. I wanted nothing more, than to crawl back into bed, get into my little "nook," and fall asleep to the beat of his heart.

But like I said, I've been in relationships were I've completely lost myself. Let the other person's life totally dictate mine. And it's tough. It's hard to not do that again. But it's the wrong way to go. So I held my ground. Put on my jacket, and battled the rain. I endured a morning of traveling. And guess what? It wasn't that bad.

I had an amazing time with my friends. We celebrate my Goddaughter. We caught up on each others' lives. We laughed. I enjoyed delish Mexican food again. Oh, how I've missed it! And when all that was done, smiles were permanently glued to our faces, and my heart overflowed with love...we headed to the park. To see my friends perform. It was an amazing concert!

As hard as it is, to be in this relationship, I wouldn't trade anything in the world for it. It's so hard, to be away from all of my family and friends. I miss them so terribly bad! And it's incredibly tough, to be away from everyone and everything, that I love so much. The culture, climate, food, shopping,and life in general. But I LOVE D. And I'm OK with being away from all of this. Just as long as I get to visit from time to time.

And I know, that these little trips are good for D and I as well. It's good that we spend a little time away from one another. It's good that our lives involve other people. And other things. That we have interests away from each other. Yes, it's good for us.

So I'm going to make the best of my week. I'm going indulge in all the yummy food, I'm going to love my Goddaughters even more, I'm going fix my home, visit my family, and enjoy life in the desert. Because sometimes, you just have to do that!

And next week, when I get to see D, I'm going to be over the moon! I'm going to enjoy our homecoming. And all that I've missed. I'm going to hug him a little harder. I'm going to enjoy the smell of his cologne. And the feel of his arms. Yes, I'm going to do all of that, and so much more!

Relationships are not easy. They require a lot of "push and pull," to make them successful. I'm so happy that I'm on this journey with D. A man that truly understands all of this. That loves me. And is willing to sacrifice a little, so that I can be happy too. Yes, this is a very good relationship. And D is an amazing man! I'm so lucky and blessed.

XOXO

♥D

The Help

Where to begin? I always have a tough time with these things. But let's just dig in. A while back, D's grandma gave me this book. Actually, she's so sweet! She bought a copy, for pretty much every female member of her family. Including D's mom and I. That was really generous of her!

Turns out, she read this book over 2 years ago! And she loved it. LOVED IT! So she was sharing it with all her family members. I was the last to receive the book. Not because she doesn't love me. But she had figured, being the bookworm that I am, that I had already read it. Wrong. And that night, before dinner was settled in our tummies, and dessert was on our plates, I had my very own copy.

I LOVED this book! In fact, I read 2 chapters on the way home. In the dark! D thought I was hilarious. And I stayed up, all night, to finish this book. It as that good. No lie! I as so into this book. So much of it, reminded me of my Auntie. Who I spent so much time with, growing up. And I miss so much, now that she's gone.



That was a couple of months ago. And I've read this book, 3 times since! Can you tell that I LOVE it? So when we heard about the movie, we planned a Girl's Day Out. Just to watch this movie. All of the females in the family.

This week, just happened to be when we watched it. And it was so good! Of course, it wasn't as good as the book. But it was still a very good movie. One I'd recommend. After reading the book, naturally. :)

And our day out was just amazing! We started with a yummy breakfast at grandma's house. Everyone pitched in. And we had a real Southern Delight! Then we went out for a little pampering. You know, hair, nails, and makeup. Then some shopping. Followed by a yummy lunch out. The amazing movie. And some dessert. We all headed to our house for a fun BBQ. The guys in the family, well they surprised us all! And they did all the cooking.

Yes, it was a very good day. With an amazing family! Something I'd never give back. I had so much fun. And I'd definitely recommend something like that, for anyone considering this movie. But remember, read the book first. You won't be disappointed!

XOXO

♥D

Intimate Matters

I've put this particular conversation off for a while. Who wants to talk to their older sister about these matters? Not me. I rarely ever talked to my sister, about girls in general. As teens, she'd try and bribe me. It didn't work. Why would I talk to her? I needed to avoid all that embarrassment. At all costs!

As adults, we've gotten closer. We've been through a hell of a lot of shit together. Losing our Dad. Her relationships. Failed marriages. Children. My failed relationships. My career. Our lives. All of it. With all this crap, I've gotten more comfortable. Felt like I could talk about more stuff with her. Especially when we began working together. I really felt like she had my back.

When ♥D and I started dating, we did it quietly. Neither of us wanted extra pressure. From anyone. We already had a lot going against us. Our physical distance. She lived in SW. I lived in SE. We both had highly demanding jobs. We just wanted this to be quiet. To be our thing.

Soon, people could tell something was different. I was freakin' happy 24/7. It had absolutely nothing to do with my new job adventures. It was this new woman. I knew immediately that she had me. That this was it. We were meant for one another. I just needed a way to make things easier. To make them work for us. To figure out how to at least get us in the same city.

My sister came to me one day, and wanted to know what was up. I was playing dumb. I wasn't so sure if I wanted her to know. Completely out of character for me. She is the one person I share almost everything with. As she grilled me, and our cousin loved it, she knew something was up. My cousin finally gave me up. I think he was a little too happy to have something over me.

There was never anyone that was so happy. My sister was happy. She knew I had found someone, that really made me happy. Not someone that would be a "play thing." But a real partner for me. She was just happy. Even happy that we were choosing to keep this quiet. Later, we'd both agree, it has been the single best thing. The one thing that has allowed for Miss ♥D and I to have this relationship. This real relationship. That's so strong.

Time past. Miss ♥D and my family got close. My sister really liked her. Liked that she was a good and strong woman. A woman with dreams and goals of her own. But an "old school" type. You know, takes care of the home, cooks, cleans, puts family first, loves with everything she's got. My whole family was just happy.

And not much more was said. My family just opened their arms. Let her in. Welcomed and loved her. A few times, someone would bring something up. Of the intimate matter. Were we being safe? Was I making sure to "cover up?" The usual talk, when people think they need to protect you. But we could figure ways out of it. Of not having to completely answer. Let everything out. My cousin would joke with me. But it was all light. Nothing too deep, or serious.

Then came my sister. This week. My newlywed sister. Who wanted to know. Know everything. Do we do it? Are we using protection? Will we have kids before we get married? What's going on there? Dude, I was like a damn deer in the headlights. What the hell?



Miss ♥D and I rarely talk to people about this. But I'm sure people wonder. Hell, I'll admit it here. I've dating some women...let's just say...some that I'd never take home to meet my momma or grandma. Let alone my sister or nieces. You just don't do that. I was young. Stupid. Had the world by the damn tail. Thought I knew it all. But what those models, bunnies, and other women didn't have...was everything I was looking for in a woman. Everything that Miss ♥D is, and has.

The answer I gave my sister was no. We don't. Miss ♥D has certain morals, values, and beliefs. I love her more than life itself. And I respect these things. I'd be lying if I said that the thought hasn't crossed my mind. A few billion times. Hell, I'm still a red blooded American man. Sometimes, the damn wrong head is doing the thinking. How can it not? She's a beautiful, sensual woman. But I respect my girlfriend and her beliefs.

The funny thing is, this was probably one of our very first conversations. I don't even know how it came about. But we met, when Miss ♥D was performing in the City of Sin. She was in a Burlesque group. And man, did she look amazing! I paid a guy, to make sure that I'd get a chance to meet her.

Yes, 2 incredibly shy kids. You're probably wondering who made the first move. Well, to tell the truth. Neither of us. I paid a guy to meet Miss ♥D. I met her. So incredibly shy. At the time she was dating someone. And was completely different off stage. Onstage, she was confident. Almost demanding your attention. She had a very sensual way of singing. A fun energy about her, when she danced.

But when we talked, she was quiet. Shy. I recognized that. I'm the same way. She blushed when we shook hands. And was not at all comfortable, when her group took a picture with my buddies and I. But she was sweet. Genuine. Real. Super friendly. Big heart. You could tell that right away. Just the way she was so kind. Even to her bodyguard. Super sweet. Offering him a drink, or a snack. A chance to relax before the next show. And a party later.

I knew that I had met my match, when I met Miss ♥D. There was just something about her. I hoped that I'd get a chance. I knew that she'd love with all her heart. Fill me with that love. I could just imagine what life with her would be like. Full of passion and chemistry. A bit of mystery. Because there was just something in her eye, a sparkle. I just knew that I wanted a chance. And I got that chance. Months later. We were both single. And I took the chance.

I had the knowledge, that this incredible woman was a virgin. And would remain so, until she was married. I knew that. And I more than accepted it. I welcomed it. I respected it. Because Miss ♥D is too special, to just write off.

Was I a sexual being before? Am I a red blooded American man? Of course I was. Did I think this would be tough? Yes. I knew it would be. But I don't think, that I really thought it through. Thought how would I handle it? The cuddling time, that she so dearly enjoys. The make out sessions, that remind you of being a teenager. And then realizing, it has to stop. Sharing a bed with someone, that you just want to devour, and must hold back. The things that flash through your mind. The things you want to do, enjoy, and feel with the woman that you love the most. But I know that I have to wait. Keep all this under control. Control my feelings and desires. My wants. The things that my body wants most.

It's tough as hell. But I remind myself, Miss ♥D is worth it. And worth so much more. She is. God knows, she is! I find myself wanting her more and more each day. And I remind myself, that's only natural. It's tough. Tough as hell. But you do what you have to do, for love.

My sister literally fell out of her chair, during our conversation this week. I busted out laughing. Who would have thought? She immediately called Miss ♥D. That look that crossed her face, told it all. Then I got that hug and "I'm proud of you little brother." It felt good. I know I'm doing the right thing here.

I know, this has made Miss ♥D's and I relationship stronger. I don't care what people think, or say. Because this is our relationship. We do what's best for the 2 of us. Not what other people think is best. That makes me feel good. I've got Miss ♥D's back, and she's got mine. Is there anything else that we need?

Believe me, I do miss that. I miss the sex. I crave that, with the woman I love. To be that intimate. That close to her. To hear her call my name...just like that. To hold me, as ecstasy takes over. Like I'm the only thing that can keep her alive. To know, that I'm the one that makes her feel just that way. To feel her body crave and yearn for my body, the way it just happens. At just the right time. To feel us connected as one. Sex is different when you're in love. When you are older. And appreciate it. The intimate matters of it. Not just the physicality.

For now, I'll take all the making out, cuddling, and sleeping so close, that I swear you couldn't fit a piece of paper between us. Because it's what the love of my life needs. I'll give her anything and everything that she needs. Even if it means some ice cold showers, from time to time, for me.

But honestly, watching her battle the Big C, like she does, how can I not sacrifice a little bit? She literally fights for her life. How can I be pissed about something like this? To me, it's all worth it. One day, we'll be there. OK, so we might not be reachable for about 6 months. ;-) But you'll know why. It just might push me into early retirement. Because I won't be able to focus on anything else. But the time will come. When our bodies finally give in to all our desires. When we cling to each other for life. Like our entire existence depends on one another. When we become one body, soul, and spirit. And it will be amazing for both of us. D

Graduation Party...

Yesterday was my niece's graduation party. You know the one. I've been halfway embracing it, halfway having anxiety because of it. My parents offered their home, and before we knew it, they were throwing the party. Ya, I know. To really add insult to injury, my niece didn't invite anyone. OK, my niece invited a friend from school, and that was it.

So I showed up to my parents' house a little early. To get ready for the party. I spent a solid 4 days running around town. Buying everything that we needed. Costco, the Meat Market, I don't know how many Grocery Stores, the Dollar Tree, and Party City. I was exhausted even before the party.

The day before, we had been invited to a birthday party. And literally, my parents and I, went to eat. OK, so we dropped off a few presents too. But it was quick. And we were on our way. We had already spent most of the day shopping, cleaning, and getting things ready. But we weren't done. Oh no!

Costco told us to pick the cake after 6PM. But Costco closes at 5PM on Saturdays. We didn't know that. And the man at the door was incredibly rude. But we got things taken care of. I just told him, if we didn't get the cake that night, they could keep it. I was too tired to deal with him. And Costco isn't exactly close to my parents' house...

Someone went to get the cake for us. And we paid up front. The cashier was really nice to us. And as it turns out, the hours had recently been changed. But no one could figure out why that bakery would have us pick up the cake after hours. I don't know.

We went home. My Mom was trying to get some last minute things done in the yard. By this time, it was already getting dark. I was trying to tackle things inside. ie Cooking. My Dad was trying to fight off sleep. We were a real mess!

My parents called it a night sometime after 10PM. I stayed up cooking. And chopping. And making platters. Believe it or not, but I had planned on going back to my hotel room. Sometime during the night. It never happened. My brother got home sometime after 2AM, never offered to help. I was knee deep in chicken. And pasta salad. I wanted to cry.

Hysterical as it was, I had a little bit of a system in place. After all the fruit and veggies were cut, the platters were put together, and I had boiled the pasta and potatoes, I tackled the chicken. We had pounds and pounds of it. So I seasoned all of it. And baked 4 pans at a time, for 90 minutes, while I took a nap. Or wrapped silverware. Then I'd switch them out. No lie. This went on for a while. I had 16 pans to cook!

By 7AM, I decided that I wasn't going to be baking any cupcakes. And I hoped that I'd get the decorations up on time. Oh, and I never got to Party City, to pick up my balloon order. It was just that kind of a day. I sent my parents to go eat breakfast. I knew my Dad needed to eat. And by noon a friend, and another one of my brothers came to help out. It was a good thing too. I barely managed to take a shower and get halfway presentable. Tables were being set up, we were still trying to figure out how to put together this hamburger grill thing, and my Mom was trying to buy ice.

By 2PM, we hadn't heard from my niece, or her mom. And we were starting to panic. My brother's little girl, she was also having a meltdown. A serious one. The poor little thing was tired, but didn't want to take a nap. And my brother, was trying to not go nuts! When my Dad called my niece, well she didn't sound like she was coming. It was so weird.

She had called earlier in the day. Wanting to know what kind of food we were having. How big was the cake? Where was it from? Did we have decorations? How many people were coming? The questions went on and on. Um, we were trying to get things together. We didn't have time to talk. Then, she just didn't sound like she was going to come. Until Grandpa talked to her.

In so many words, my Dad told her to get to the house. Right now. People were already there! And she was nowhere to be seen. I was ready to kill! Our friend K, and I got stuck at the grills. Which honestly was no shock. We had been working on this party for hours. Poor K, had literally been there since 9AM! I ended up not eating. I think I had half a bowl of fruit. All day long! But everyone seemed to be having a nice time. The temperatures fell, and it was cloudy. Which was a HUGE relief! Earlier in the day, it had been so hot!

The kids enjoyed it the most. My parents have an incredible back yard. Full playground! Surrounded by grass, trees, and so many flowers. They played in the sprinklers. Had a blast with the toys I had bought. Dollar Tree is amazing! And they definitely enjoyed their ice cream treats. :)

Late in party, we brought out the cake. My niece remarked how it was small. Why didn't we get a bigger one. I almost slapped her. No lie! I was so frustrated with her. But I didn't say anything. We bought a full sheet cake. How big did she want it? Then we started the game, what piece do you want? She wanted her name. Which was a big piece. But I said OK. I skillfully cut it out, and handed it to her. Um, it was overflowing on a full sized plate.

I went on to cut cake for everyone else. We handed it out. With ice cream. We also had banana pudding, another pink dessert from my cousin, and fresh fruit. She about had a heart attack when I gave a rose to someone. What? Are we going to save the whole cake? And then when I decided to have a piece, there was only a small corner left. I took about a 1/4 of it. It was like a baby sized piece. And the diploma, came along with it. To my happy surprise, it was made of chocolate. Again, another fit. You would have thought she was 3, instead of 17.

With all that said, everyone had a good time. Lots of people were invited last minute. And they came. Did I mention? Most didn't even know my niece. But they came, and with a card and money, or a gift. And she acted like a spoiled brat. I'm not sure what was up with that. But I was highly annoyed by her.

We had plenty of food. And sent most people home with a few plates. Kids took home the funny toys I had bought. I'm sure my Mom was happy about that. What was she going to do with 10 kid sized plastic bats and balls. Or all those sand toys and buckets. Or even all the water toys. My niece was crying about that. And about the coloring books and crayons that they took. She sat in the house crying. Literally. What was going on with her?

She took all the decorations. Which I was glad. All the signs, table toppers, everything that was red, white, and blue. I had to stop her when she tried to take the baskets, bowls, and platters. Hello. Those were mine way before this party. And my Mom stopped her with the dish towels. I'm not sure where this was coming from.

It was weird. We never got a Thank You. Not once from her. Her mom thanked us multiple times. She's not even related to us! Her dad is the one that's related. But that is a long story. For another day! And her grandma, was so happy that we had done this. Lots of people seemed to enjoy this. But not my niece. It was odd.

After she took everything, and her cards, I was a little shocked. She just wanted the money. Never read the card, or looked at the note. Was rather made at the gifts she received. All she wanted was money. I'm positive that she has no clue who gave her what. Even though we all told her she has to write Thank You notes, I'm pretty sure she won't. And that's just sad.

I know that they pushed for this party to get money. Because my niece's mom, is taking her and her younger sister to Disneyland soon. And she wanted spending money. But honestly, they don't see much of our family. They didn't invite any friends. So I wasn't surprised when she only made $115. I know she was expecting a few thousand. Like I had gotten years before. But I know a lot more people. I invited a bunch of friends. And honestly, our family is not very wealthy. Most will give $10-15. I got most of my money from friends. My mentors, people who were closer than family. People who knew I would use the money for college. And had been a HUGE part of my life!

And after the way my niece acted, well, she should be happy to have gotten that much. I'm not lying. I hate to feel this way. But she acted like a spoiled brat. Literally! All she was concerned with all day long, was taking food to her Nana, and making money. Um, like 5 people took food to her Nana. I honestly didn't care. But she should have maybe, been more attentive to her Grandpa. The person who paid for most of this. But whatever.

Worst of all, we found out that she didn't receive an actual diploma! It was a Certificate of Completion. She lied to everyone. Including her mom. But we got to the bottom of it. Because she was in Special Ed, she needs to go to the local university for a year. Then she will have completed everything. And will receive a diploma. But if they couldn't afford to throw a party, and are still scraping money together for the trip to Disneyland, I'm almost positive that they're not going to have the money for the university. We'll just have to wait and see...

I so wanted to be happy. What a HUGE milestone this is! A time to celebrate. But something has changed. My niece is completely different. Ungrateful. And it was so hard to get into this. After buying her dress, shoes, and paying for a big chunk of this party...I just couldn't bring myself to giving her a card with money. Not after the way she treated my parents.

If you've made it thus far, bless your soul! You are a dedicated reader! And I appreciate that. I'm just hoping that my niece changes. Does better for her future. It's only for her own good. I'm glad that I did everything that I did. I have no regrets, on my part. I just wish that she would appreciate what people do for her. But what can we do? Now she is an adult, and will have to pull her weight in the world.

XOXO

♥D

Missing My Family

There are days when I really miss my family. Today is one of them. Not so much because I am missing my niece's 1st birthday party. But because I miss these family get-togethers. When I was younger and had to go to 2-3 family parties a week, I hated it. But I didn't appreciate them for what they were. Time with family.

I am not particularly close to my little niece. In reality, I have seen her twice in 1 year. And I am not particularly close to my brother. We are almost 30 years apart in age. And he just wasn't around a whole lot when I was growing up. When I was under 5, yeah. But I don't remember spending much time with him since I was 5.

But I miss just being home sometimes. Seeing my family. Enjoying laughs and good times. I miss the silliness of the kids. The amazing food. And all the familiar faces. We are not your normal or typical family by any means. We are not the closest and most loving. But we are family. And there are just certain days that I miss them.

XOXO

♥D

Attack of the Girls

♥D thought it would be fun to watch my nieces yesterday. I was OK with it. Figured it would be a relatively quiet evening. Was wrong in the most awful way imaginable. The girls decided to bring over some friends. By the time I got to the house, we had 7 little girls running around. The cats and dogs were running for their lives. The girls had managed to dress them in what I am going to assume was their clothes. Sorry sis. I felt real bad for the dogs. The cats managed to hide out in the oddest of places. But the dogs had no place to run to.

♥D tried to keep them contained. She is incredibly good with kids. I'm assuming that comes with being from a large family. ♥D had the girls help her make dinner. They had a good time. Each of them in their own apron. After dinner, they decorated some cupcakes that ♥D had made earlier. But she calmed them down. Had them watching a movie in the den eating popcorn and cupcakes.

♥D and I were in my office. Trying to work some things out regarding our friends. H is moving out. Moving into a house that I own. H started working at my company today. ♥D and I were trying to work out schedules, movers, and friends. Trying to be respectful of both H and T. How in the world did we get stuck between our closest friends?

I went to get something to drink and found a sea of toys littering the entire house. I have never, in my lifetime, seen so many Barbie dolls. Dolls, clothes, cars, and who knows what not all littered the entire house. When did this happen? When did these girls get so wild? And when did I agree to watch these half wild kids?

♥D calmly walked out. Told the girls to pick up their stuff. And somehow managed to get them all in bed in under 30 min. How does she do it? One day I want kids. A boy to follow me around and take over were I leave off. And a girl. Just like her mom. But somehow all of the craziness that was last night, was too much for me. ♥D just called to let me know that the girls have all gone home. I am silently grateful. D

Girl Time

I spent a couple of hours with D's sister and nieces yesterday. It was so much fun! We ended up doing some really fun things. And it was like medicine for my soul. I am not joking!

First we went to this fun Antique/Thrift shop. We were actually on our way to go get ice cream. And I saw this cute little store front. I am a sucker when it comes to places like this. So I pulled up to the store. It was off of one of the smaller highways around here. Almost out of sight. And once inside, it was like a treasure box of things from our past!

The girls picked up some old Barbies, dolls, and cases for them. They were so thrilled about them! D's sister found a fun chair. It was so her! Cushy and soft. I found so much! I almost felt guilty about everything that I bought. ALMOST! I got 5 hats (from the 40s/50s), a 50s luggage set (train case, hat box, and suitcase), a handbag, a set of 50s turquoise mixing bowls (5 in the set) and 10 broaches. Yes, 10 broaches! I know. It seems like a lot. And it was A LOT! But I just couldn't help myself. To top it off, as I was paying for everything, we saw a stack of paper dolls and cookbooks. We couldn't resist and ended up taking all of them as well! In total, we only spent $71.35. That is including the chair! I almost felt like we were stealing all of these beautiful treasures!

Our fun didn't end there. No way! We headed to the ice cream shop. The girls got sundaes that were much bigger than themselves! Shh...don't tell their mom. She was at work! :O) D's sister settled for a chocolate milk shake. Let me tell you...it all looked so good. But I thought I shouldn't push it. And I settled for a popsicle. Not too bad.

We ended our adventures with a stop at the salon. Why? Because no Girls' Day is complete without some nail polish. The girls were just too excited to get their nails polished. They both picked the brightest pink at the salon. D's sister had the full manicure/pedicure special. Gorgeous French tips on her fingers and fun chunky pink glitter on her toes. I stuck with just polish...red on my toes and almost nude on my fingers.

It was a GREAT day! Something that I really needed. Actually, this could be one of my favorite days ever. Because it was about fun and family. I really do feel like I am part of D's family. They love me like I am their own daughter, granddaughter, sister, and auntie. Our day was not about how much money we spent, but about how much love we shared!

XOXO

♥D

We're on the Mend

The 2 of us are feeling better. Much better really. D is pretty much over whatever we had. I am getting there. Going to the doctor...it will do wonders for you. Really it does! The homemade soup, it was a gift from heaven. When I was little, my mom used to make a potato soup or veggie soup whenever I got sick. It always worked wonders! D's grandma, she made us chicken noodle soup yesterday. I think that alone helped us to feel better!

D is at work. This morning before he left, he was really happy. Something that he hasn't been...when it comes to work...in quite a LONG time. This is really good news! But D was almost glowing about going to a meeting. It was almost asking too much of me to not crack up laughing!

I have been going through the mail this morning. It is one of my favorite things to do. Really it is! L, probably my best friend ever, sent me a package from Boston. It is loaded with tons of fun trinkets and tidbits. He also sent the most amazing antique glass box. I am over the moon! And Little M...she made me a necklace at her summer camp. She is 3 and 1/2...the half is very important to her...and is going to her first summer day camp. She LOVES it. And decided to make me a necklace. The mail today...it is GREAT!

D's sister and nieces want to spend some "Girl Time" with me today. I am not 100% yet, but I think it will be fun. D worked hard to convince me to spend a couple of hours with them. He thinks it will make me feel better. And I cannot disagree! I would love to see those little sweethearts again. It seems like it has been a while since we have spent some good quality time together.

That's pretty much all that is going on from our part of the woods. Seriously, that is it. The fur babies are happy. D is happy and healthy. The mail was great today! I'm feeling better. And we are home for a few days!

XOXO

♥D

Nothing New

Folks there is nothing new on our end. ♥D and I are still sick. I feel about 95%. ♥D is about 70%. She is trying to convince me otherwise. But we are a matching color of pale to gray. We spent the morning at the doctors' office. Not too bad. ♥D was already scheduled for this appointment. She had a test. No answers. The 2 of us got shots and medicine for whatever they say we have. Some kind of stomach virus or something like that. We have a good supply of chicken noodle soup, crackers, and 7UP. My grandma made the homemade soup. Mom brought everything over. That right there, is going to get us both to 100%. That's it folks! We are resting, sleeping, watching movies, taking medicine, and eating soup. D

My Sister's Birthday

Today is my sister's 38th Birthday! I cannot believe it. She is the youngest of my 3 older sisters. But I still can't believe she is turning 38!

It has been such a long time since I have talked to her. J seems to just be doing her own thing, conquering the world. I am proud of her and her accomplishments. But I was just thinking about her today.

Not that long ago, my Mom and I were talking about when J was born. It was a cute story. And although my Mom was only 19 at the time, she really did love J and tried her hardest to provide the best for J and our brother M. Most of all, Mom just loves J. I think she secretly wishes J would come around more often.

I remember when I was younger and how cool I thought it was to spend time with J. J used to surprise me at school with a quick visit to my class. Always bringing me something cool. She had a VW Bug, a red one with cow print seats covers. We would put the top down and go cruising. It was always so much fun! And we always went to eat at D's. My sister has worked at 3 restaurants...D's, Q's and G's. I would always get so excited to go see her.

But today is about J. I hope she knows how much I love her! Because she has a very special place in my heart. Happy Birthday Jay-Jay!

XOXO

♥D

Cuppy Cake Love

I seriously LOVE me some Cuppy Cakes! They are too cute for words. A small taste of heaven. I get so excited talking about them, that I can barely form words. Much less talk in complete sentences. Cuppy Cakes are perfect little packages!

Whether they are drawn pictures....Walking cupcake people...Crochet cupcakes...Colorful cuppy cakes...Every day cupcakes...

Cuppy cakes in ice cream cones...

Or Birthday Cuppy Cakes...

I seriously have a deep and emotional LOVE for cuppy cakes! And I have spread it over to my nieces and nephews. So much so, that whenever I go to family-get -togethers or parties, they expect cupcakes. I am also known to send them some cupcakes when I am not around. :O)

When I make them for my nieces and nephews, I make a shorter cupcake. Then I load them up with icing. All the way to the sky! The icing is always brightly colored. Sometimes I add some sprinkles or candy. Something to make them special. And more importantly sugary, candy, icing filled bites of heaven!

OK, so they eat the icing and candy, then feed the dog G the actual cake part of the cupcake. Sometimes they will give them to my older brother J to eat. It just depends who is around and how many cupcakes they are "eating."

Today something happened that I did not expect. My nephews J and E called to Thank me for their cupcakes. They were so excited about them. And the Sprinkles! Which my brother J thought they were saying sparklers. Like the kind you light on the 4th of July. No bro...sprinkles. AKA Candy!!! E had 3 and J had 2. My brother ate J's 3rd cupcake!

I am glad they enjoyed them! And I am so glad I have these itty bitties to spoil. One day I know I will regret filling them up with sugar. Imagine what my family is going to feed my kids? But it is nice to be able to share my love of cuppy cakes with the next generation!

XOXO

♥D

She's 16!!!

I still cannot believe today is my niece E's 16th birthday! It completely shocks me to my core. And makes me feel like I am 100 years old! I was just 10 years old when she was born. And it seems like yesterday. My parents and I had decided to go to the cabin for the 4th of July. My grandparents lived across the street. A dirt road actually. Early in the morning, my grandma came to tell us that E had been born. It was a girl! S had a new little sister. We were so excited. It would be a few days before we got to meet the newest addition to our family. E would remain close to us, all these years later. Going to the cabin and claiming her very own bedroom.

The memories I have of E are all too hilarious! Her first visit to the cabin left E sleeping in a dresser drawer. We pulled the drawer out, emptied it, placed a few blankets inside, and she slept soundly through the night. Her first Christmas, her family came to visit us at the cabin. She wanted to see the snow falling. All at once, she knocked S (her older sister, 2 and 1/2 at the time) off the small step stool and into the Christmas tree. All you saw was the tree fall down, S hit the floor crying, and E proudly perched on the stool looking out the window.

A few years later, we took E and her younger sister N to the mountains for a few days. It was summer time. My mom and I decided to bake cookies with the girls. At the time they were maybe 3 and 4. We were going to make peanut butter cookies and M&M cookies. Immediately the girls were fighting about who was going to make what. E had already chosen to help my mom. My mom was making the peanut butter cookies. E was not happy at all! N was so excited to be baking with the mini M&Ms. My mom tried to show E that you get to make designs with a fork for the peanut butter cookies. She was not having it! Not even when my mom showed her how to dunk the warm cookies in sugar.

After the baking was done, and we had had dinner, the girls proudly gave grandpa a taste of their treasured cookies. We all tasted both kinds. Everyone seemed happy. They went to bed quite happy that night. Only for me to find N sitting outside their shared bedroom crying. E had thrown her out. I picked up N and took her to my room for the night. E was all too happy to have the bed to herself! :O)

I think about the things she did as a kid. They still make me smile. How many times did she button the top button of my Dad's shirt? I always remember her sitting at the kitchen table working hard at her homework. And that proud day she graduated from the 8th grade with honors.

Her life has not been easy. She had a tough start to life. At one point, we didn't think she would see her 1st birthday. E spent so much time in the PICU. She struggled with an illness for years. Her parents separation, and the fight over her and her sisters. Which ultimately ended in the separation of sisters. It has been a tough road. One in which she has overcome so very much! I am so proud of E. She is now a slimmer version of herself, much healthier I might add. She is in high school, and on the Honor Roll. E even works at a hospital. I am so very proud of the young woman that she is becoming. Now we just need to schedule a "Girls Day" to celebrate 16 wonderful years!

XOXO
♥D

It's Always a Challenge

Coming back here that is. There is so much history here. For me, for my family, with ♥D. Every time I come here, I remember. I remember the good times, and the bad times. But I try to focus on the good times. The good memories shared, a time when my family was at a happier place. I guess you could say, I long for a simplier time in my life. A time when I knew which way was up and which way was down.

It's early out. A time for me to think. To think of all of this. ♥D provides the stability in my life that I need. I cannot believe that it has been a year since I first shared this place with ♥D. It is still something I struggle with. But there is something about that tiny hand of hers when it holds so tightly to mine. I feel like I can live through this.

I don't sit and talk about these things with people. I don't usually share my thoughts about this topic either. I guess it is something I should do more. I would probably work a lot of my problems out just by discussing some of this. But ♥D understands it. And at some level, she has gone through it as well.

Although this is a mentally and emotionally difficult time for me, I know I will get through it. I have the love of ♥D and my family to help me through the quiet moments. The moments that take me back to a time that was lost and person who was taken away to early. D

Sunny Beaches

We are on the road...again! But it is a good trip. Sunny beaches are included this time. :O) Although, I will be avoiding the water...a recent health thing...I am sitting on the beach as I type this. My toes in the sand and a tall glass of iced tea at my side. It is a bit of an emotional week for us, but it is also a nice change of pace.

D is working right now...something that he quite enjoys actually. He does have a fun job...not your usual M-F, 9-5. But yet again, we are traveling and away for a holiday. Some of D's family came, but mine are still in the dark about us. Tell me about it! We have been dating for over a year now...and well...I still haven't gotten around to telling them. A few key friends know...but that's it!

On the agenda today? D has informed me that my job is to simply relax and get better. So it is all vacay time for me! But I also have to make sure that the "Man Beast" AKA D, is also taking care of himself. This evening we are having a nice cookout with family and friends. And honestly, I cannot wait. Something about me...I am a complete "Foodie."

I am also on "Baby Shower" gift overdrive. I have been working on baby blankets for a number of family and friends who are expecting. To my surprise, they are not all girls or not all boys...but a mix. You see, in my family, we usually get 4-5 new babies a year...and they are all of the same sex. So I am quite happy with my hook and yarn...making a variety of gifts.

And I am on a mission to find a good book to read. My all time favorite is Gone with the Wind. But I like a variety of books. In fact, cookbooks are one of my favorites to read. Yup, I read and collect cookbooks. I just love cooking! But if you have any suggestions of a good read, let me know!

XOXO
♥D