When Love is Tough

I'm still feeling a little sad, and guilty, over leaving D. I know, logically, it's only for a few days. But I see my role, in our relationship, as the "supporter." I'm around to cheer him on, and to be there. To do the things for him, that he needs.

And when I'm not around, I feel insanely guilty! It might sound weird to some. But in our crazy, and very chaotic life, that's just the way it is. Plain and simple. He does so much for me, that I feel like I'm supposed to be there, doing for him as well.

I'm not joking when I say this, Sunday just broke my heart. All I wanted to do, was crawl back into bed. To be there for the man, that is always there for me. Talk about hard to do. How do you walk away from someone, that loves you that much? That does so much for you. And gives up so much, to just be with you. It was so hard! But of all the things that I've learned, in relationships, sometimes you just have to do things for you.

The look in his eyes, on Sunday morning, made me want to crawl back into bed. To cuddle with him. Right up until he had to go to work. There is nothing like feeling his arms, wrapped rightly around me. Knowing that he loves me so incredibly much. I wanted nothing more, than to crawl back into bed, get into my little "nook," and fall asleep to the beat of his heart.

But like I said, I've been in relationships were I've completely lost myself. Let the other person's life totally dictate mine. And it's tough. It's hard to not do that again. But it's the wrong way to go. So I held my ground. Put on my jacket, and battled the rain. I endured a morning of traveling. And guess what? It wasn't that bad.

I had an amazing time with my friends. We celebrate my Goddaughter. We caught up on each others' lives. We laughed. I enjoyed delish Mexican food again. Oh, how I've missed it! And when all that was done, smiles were permanently glued to our faces, and my heart overflowed with love...we headed to the park. To see my friends perform. It was an amazing concert!

As hard as it is, to be in this relationship, I wouldn't trade anything in the world for it. It's so hard, to be away from all of my family and friends. I miss them so terribly bad! And it's incredibly tough, to be away from everyone and everything, that I love so much. The culture, climate, food, shopping,and life in general. But I LOVE D. And I'm OK with being away from all of this. Just as long as I get to visit from time to time.

And I know, that these little trips are good for D and I as well. It's good that we spend a little time away from one another. It's good that our lives involve other people. And other things. That we have interests away from each other. Yes, it's good for us.

So I'm going to make the best of my week. I'm going indulge in all the yummy food, I'm going to love my Goddaughters even more, I'm going fix my home, visit my family, and enjoy life in the desert. Because sometimes, you just have to do that!

And next week, when I get to see D, I'm going to be over the moon! I'm going to enjoy our homecoming. And all that I've missed. I'm going to hug him a little harder. I'm going to enjoy the smell of his cologne. And the feel of his arms. Yes, I'm going to do all of that, and so much more!

Relationships are not easy. They require a lot of "push and pull," to make them successful. I'm so happy that I'm on this journey with D. A man that truly understands all of this. That loves me. And is willing to sacrifice a little, so that I can be happy too. Yes, this is a very good relationship. And D is an amazing man! I'm so lucky and blessed.

XOXO

♥D