Dealing the Best Way I Know How

D doesn't understand. My parents don't understand. And at some point, not even I understand. BUT I AM DEALING THE BEST WAY I KNOW HOW!

There are definitely some days when I don't know which way is up. Or if I will sincerely make it through the day. Today was one of those. I think I had a panic attack. Or at least had trouble breathing as I stressed about money and school for hours. My parents called to talk to me. And I tried to explain that I just cannot come up with all the money for tuition, books, my internship, insurance, and supplies. But I seemed to not be getting anywhere with them.

But I tried to pull it together before D got back. This is not something he needs to deal with. Especially as he is preparing for this weekend. But he rolled in. All happy and ready to relax after a hard day at work. My eyes were blood shot, I was still struggling to catch my breath, and I was sitting in the corner, in a ball.

These are the hard times. The times in my life when I am not sure why I do this. Or why in the world I let people do this to me. Or if in the end, is it all worth it? I don't know. I really don't. But there is something about D, that makes even these bad things, somewhat bearable. In one quick swoop, he collected me into his arms. And I never felt safer.

So maybe not everything is fixed. But I do feel better. D has a way of doing that. Money problems will plague me until I either finish school or leave it. But at the end of the day, there is more to life than money, school, and worries.

XOXO

♥D

Making Her Feel at Home

H pretty much moved everything into her new house last Friday. But she hasn't unpacked. Unless you consider opening up a box of clothes and putting out some shampoo and soap unpacking. The movers got everything to her house, put up the furniture, and put the boxes in the right rooms. But H had not gotten past that stage in the move. So after work today, I went to help her out.

D was a good sport about it too! He brought dinner to us...pizza, salad, and sodas. D even ate with us and helped put the electronics together. After 2 hours, he left. I know he is feeling awkward about all of this. Being that T is one of his closest buddies. We are kinda stuck in the middle. But I stayed to help H.

We unpacked and put away all of her clothes. Except the stuff that has to be ironed. That is one chore that I am lucky to do for myself, much less my friend. We got things in their place...then realized we needed some more stuff. We hit the local Target and eventually the Wal-Mart. We bought 3 rugs, some throw pillows, bedding, towels, kitchen essentials, curtains, and some decorating odds and ends. Eventually we did some grocery shopping too!

I feel bad for my friend. She has never lived by herself. She didn't want to take stuff out of her and T's house. So she has ended up with D's old furniture and stuff. And honestly, my friend could not put a house together if her life depended on it. She also can't cook. So I made sure to buy her things that she could stick in the oven or microwave. Next week, I will go by and help her make a few things.

But I managed to decorate the house to at least feel comfortable and inviting. I put up shelves, pictures, and mirrors. I carefully placed candles around. We put everything in the kitchen together. I really tried to focus in there. Because H has no clue what she is supposed to have in a kitchen, or what things are used for. Now she has canisters filled with food, all the kitchen basics you might need, and an inviting area to begin cooking.

H's bedroom was another place that I wanted to really focus on. We put up the new bedding and curtains. I found a comfy chair to put in there too! We put a bunch of nice lamps and candles in there for good lighting. And just made it an oasis for her to recharge her batteries.

Although this is a tough time for everyone, I am trying to make it easier on our friends. Sometimes it is difficult. But we are all trying to be respectful of each others feelings. I wish that I could have done more, but I had to leave. I have a busy day tomorrow at work. And I have a day of traveling ahead. When I get back, I will check on my friend. And see if there is anything else I can do to make her comfortable.

XOXO

♥D

Feeling Your Pain

There are days when you just know your buddy is in pain. Today is one of those days. T is missing his wife. But he is lost in his own confusion of life. ♥D and I desperately want to fix our friends' lives. But how do you do that? My buddy spends his nights drinking, and his days working. Not a good combination. But the combination that is just allowing him to survive.

During lunch, my buddy was just falling apart. He knows when and where things went wrong in his marriage. I think he just doesn't know how to fix them. Divorce has crossed both of their minds. Neither is ready to really consider it. H moved out. T is refusing to go home. He moved back to his empty bachelor pad. Sleeping on a mattress. Eating pizza. What a sad life.

These are the things that scare ♥D and myself. Why rock the boat if it is steadily floating along? I know ♥D and I are a lot more connected and able to communicate. But we have both lived through various members of our family divorcing. Divorcing in horrible circumstances. Marriage is a gamble. And uncertain. But worth it in the end, if you do it with the right person. D

Be Our Guest

Not everything got done this week. Apparently, they did not get all of our stuff here. But that was OK. Until this morning. When both D and I had to rinse the shampoo and body wash bottles to shower. Then I used the last of my deodorant. D got the last drop of toothpaste. And we ran out of food staples. So, I thought I would make the 20 minute trip out to Target for some supplies. Things to hold us over until Monday. Because for whatever reason, everything ran out this morning.

I was actually really excited about my adventure to Target for my shopping. I am a big fan of Target! You can ask all of my friends and family, and they will tell you how much I LOVE to shop at Target. I actually worked there a few years ago. But the stores are always so clean and stocked full. The employees are usually friendly and excited to help. Usually! Until today, when I needed some help. I couldn't find anyone to ask for help on the floor. So I walked to their "Guest Service" counter and the girl was both annoyed and unfriendly. So was the GSTL.

I was actually shocked. And after waiting for 30 minutes, I said forget about it. I just picked up a few things that we really needed. And headed for the checkout line. It wasn't so bad. The line was short. But I was pretty disappointed in my adventure. And had to make another stop at another store. I will not stop going to Target just because of this one day. But I will second guess my instinct to just stop by. I left Target on a "not so good foot" but I thought it was just because of the management. Apparently, it is more widespread than that.

After many, many bad experiences at Wal-Mart, I have stopped shopping there. I go once in a while when I can't find something that I really need. But I try to avoid Wal-Mart. I personally don't have tons and tons of money, but I am willing to spend a few cents more for my basics...if I get a good shopping experience. I sincerely hope that Target is headed back in that direction. Because I might just have to find some other place to shop. Hey Target Chiefs...get it together. Because I was not the only unpleased "guest." And I know how much you value your "Guests." When I worked at Target, I would always think about that song "Be Our Guest," because the service was just that good. I hope it returns.

XOXO

♥D

A Sad Day

Today is a sad day. My friend H is officially moving out. Her husband of just over 5 months, T, is working. She is moving. When or how it went wrong, I still don't really know. They met in July 2008. Began dating and quickly moved in together in August 2008. By January 31, 2009...H and T were happily engaged. And on February 28, 2009...they became man and wife.

The happy couple took a quick trip in March 2009. And soon after moved into their new palace. D and I planned a Honeymoon to remember for them. Set in July 2009. They are our best friends. It is the very least we could do. Then, the storm began...

After they took a quick trip in June, something happened. D and I had no clue. But suddenly H and T weren't talking. T spent a number of nights at our house, then he moved on to other friends. H was not talking. They missed their Honeymoon trip to paradise. And days ago, after all his friends forced him to go home, H and T had a horrible fight. A fight that left my best friend calling me. Telling me that she needed a break. A break from the direction in which her life was going.

T has taken refuge in a case of Bud. D can't get him to talk. Now, T is moping about with his dog and cat. As his wife moves out of their home. I don't know what to say. Or even were to begin talking to my best friend. But I hope she knows that I will always be here for her. I hope things work out. They really are a good couple. Just a couple that hit a rough patch, and couple that suffered a huge loss. I don't think either has been able to deal with that loss individually. And dealing with one another has just gotten worse.

Today is truly a sad day. A day when a marriage is in full blown crisis mode. A time when 2 hearts have been sent blowing in 2 separate directions. Through the power of love and God, I hope they find their way back to one another. They are definitely stronger together than they are apart.

XOXO

♥D

Nothing New

Folks there is nothing new on our end. ♥D and I are still sick. I feel about 95%. ♥D is about 70%. She is trying to convince me otherwise. But we are a matching color of pale to gray. We spent the morning at the doctors' office. Not too bad. ♥D was already scheduled for this appointment. She had a test. No answers. The 2 of us got shots and medicine for whatever they say we have. Some kind of stomach virus or something like that. We have a good supply of chicken noodle soup, crackers, and 7UP. My grandma made the homemade soup. Mom brought everything over. That right there, is going to get us both to 100%. That's it folks! We are resting, sleeping, watching movies, taking medicine, and eating soup. D

Technically it is Tomorrow

It is. 3 minutes into Wed. As honest as the day is long. It has been a rough one.

Work went well. Honestly it was better than it has been for a long time. A long time. I am ready for the weekend like ♥D is ready for chocolate. If you don't know us. That is 100%. Things seem to be really falling into place. It is about time.

♥D's health on the other hand. We seem to be up in the air about that. The appointment today did not go as planned. We will be back tomorrow. I mean today. In 5 hours to be honest. Plans are changed. But I remain hopeful. What else can I say? I have to be her rock. To let her know that I am here for her no matter what happens. D

Attack of the Fire Ants

For the second time in less than two weeks, I was attacked by fire ants. No lie! The first part of July found me doing paperwork, in the middle of the night, at the hospital. We had a family bring in 3 small kids covered in fire ants. Yes, fire ants. The entire ER and PICU teams were called to assist. We thought we were covered and protected. But most of us were bitten pretty badly.

Have I mentioned? I am allergic to insect bites. Once I began to have trouble breathing, I was immediately taken off the case. All of a sudden...I became a patient too! After a shower and a few shots, I was feeling better. And I was sent home. Things had been going fairly well since then.

I have continued to take my medication. And honestly, it was going pretty well. Better than some of the doctors who were working that night. My friend and colleague, Dr. M was attacked in the "unmentionables." Poor man. And Dr. A was attacked on his bald head. Seriously, why would you bite someone on the head?

Then there was this trip to Dallas. I definitely did not see this one coming. I thought it would be a quick trip back and forth. And we were staying in a $500 a night hotel. Actually, it is one of the best hotels here...if not THE BEST. But I didn't know there has been a recent bug problem in Dallas. It's Texas after all. People you should expect BIG THINGS when you come to Texas.

In the middle of the night when I got here, the Bellhops were killing and cleaning up roaches outside. I didn't think much about it. Probably because I was exhausted! I went straight to my room and to bed.

I woke up around 3AM. And I swear, I could hear something burring in my ear. I could not sleep. I began to get ready for the day. Then I started to remember the Medical Mystery show D and I had watched a few weeks ago. The lady had a junebug stuck in her ear. They had to kill it, then pull it out. It was close to burring in her eardrum. I was freaking out!

By 4:15AM, when I met the doctors from the hospital I work at, I was going crazy! Dr. S looked in there, but he couldn't see anything. Are you serious? I can hear it. Dr. M was not a happy camper either! Apparently, he had ants in his room...fire ants. And they had attacked somewhere he would rather not talk about. He got a different room.

We got to the hospital by 4:30AM. I couldn't take it any more. Dr. S pulled some strings in the ER and I was in. The doctors looked, but couldn't see anything! I started to tell them about the hotel, Dr. M's fire ants, and they began to put it together. That and the entire right side of my face was swelling up!

Meanwhile, my friends and colleagues were in the conference. And I am laying on an ER bed all alone. It was something about those moments that made me feel very alone and very small. I thought about calling D, but I knew he had a big day today...he needed his rest. And this news would only worry him. So I lay there...thinking. The doctors finally trickled in some alcohol solution. And all at once, these fire ants came out of my ear. After doing this a couple of times, and me laying there forever...the doctors finally looked inside my ear.

Those pesky little critters bit my ear pretty badly inside...and my face on the outside. Once we knew what had happened, I called Dr. S's wife. She checked my room and found all these ants in my pillow. Yup, in my pillow. She looked through my things and packed them up. Making sure that no ants were with my things.

No more ants, my face is swollen, and I am now here at the hospital waiting. They are going to release me. And I am on my way out of town. Yeah, I am not going to the conference. In fact, I have already missed part of it. So I am supposed to rest and take some medicine. I will be back Sunday like planned. But for now, I am ready for some quality sleep...without the ants!

XOXO

♥D