When Love is Tough

I'm still feeling a little sad, and guilty, over leaving D. I know, logically, it's only for a few days. But I see my role, in our relationship, as the "supporter." I'm around to cheer him on, and to be there. To do the things for him, that he needs.

And when I'm not around, I feel insanely guilty! It might sound weird to some. But in our crazy, and very chaotic life, that's just the way it is. Plain and simple. He does so much for me, that I feel like I'm supposed to be there, doing for him as well.

I'm not joking when I say this, Sunday just broke my heart. All I wanted to do, was crawl back into bed. To be there for the man, that is always there for me. Talk about hard to do. How do you walk away from someone, that loves you that much? That does so much for you. And gives up so much, to just be with you. It was so hard! But of all the things that I've learned, in relationships, sometimes you just have to do things for you.

The look in his eyes, on Sunday morning, made me want to crawl back into bed. To cuddle with him. Right up until he had to go to work. There is nothing like feeling his arms, wrapped rightly around me. Knowing that he loves me so incredibly much. I wanted nothing more, than to crawl back into bed, get into my little "nook," and fall asleep to the beat of his heart.

But like I said, I've been in relationships were I've completely lost myself. Let the other person's life totally dictate mine. And it's tough. It's hard to not do that again. But it's the wrong way to go. So I held my ground. Put on my jacket, and battled the rain. I endured a morning of traveling. And guess what? It wasn't that bad.

I had an amazing time with my friends. We celebrate my Goddaughter. We caught up on each others' lives. We laughed. I enjoyed delish Mexican food again. Oh, how I've missed it! And when all that was done, smiles were permanently glued to our faces, and my heart overflowed with love...we headed to the park. To see my friends perform. It was an amazing concert!

As hard as it is, to be in this relationship, I wouldn't trade anything in the world for it. It's so hard, to be away from all of my family and friends. I miss them so terribly bad! And it's incredibly tough, to be away from everyone and everything, that I love so much. The culture, climate, food, shopping,and life in general. But I LOVE D. And I'm OK with being away from all of this. Just as long as I get to visit from time to time.

And I know, that these little trips are good for D and I as well. It's good that we spend a little time away from one another. It's good that our lives involve other people. And other things. That we have interests away from each other. Yes, it's good for us.

So I'm going to make the best of my week. I'm going indulge in all the yummy food, I'm going to love my Goddaughters even more, I'm going fix my home, visit my family, and enjoy life in the desert. Because sometimes, you just have to do that!

And next week, when I get to see D, I'm going to be over the moon! I'm going to enjoy our homecoming. And all that I've missed. I'm going to hug him a little harder. I'm going to enjoy the smell of his cologne. And the feel of his arms. Yes, I'm going to do all of that, and so much more!

Relationships are not easy. They require a lot of "push and pull," to make them successful. I'm so happy that I'm on this journey with D. A man that truly understands all of this. That loves me. And is willing to sacrifice a little, so that I can be happy too. Yes, this is a very good relationship. And D is an amazing man! I'm so lucky and blessed.

XOXO

♥D

No Rest for the Wicked

Mondays are traditionally, our days off. ♥D and I decided a long time ago, that we needed one day off, together, a week. Mondays just fit the bill. Until this week.

I was bugged about my afternoon adventures today. Not because of what I have to do. That's actually gonna be pretty cool. But it's Monday. It's like asking a normal person, to go into work on a Sunday. You know what I mean? Damn, but I figured that the 1st half of my day, wouldn't be bothered. I could live with working the evening/night. It didn't sound too bad. That didn't work out. Much in thanks, to yesterday's rain.

With yesterday wasted, literally waiting out the rain, all work got moved to today. We're on a time crunch. Everyone is miserable. I've got a good team today. No one wants to work. Right now, we're mid flight. I'm the one trying to "cheer" everyone on. Isn't that hilarious?

Meanwhile, ♥D has gone back, to her home, in the SW. She went to throw a Baby Shower. And is staying until next week. Her family is having a Reunion next weekend. Since she doesn't see much of her family, we agreed, this would be the best time for her to be home.

How is she spending her week? It was supposed to be low key. Baby Shower yesterday. Helping her friend, get ready, for her baby all week. Taking it easy. Being a little lazy. And seeing friends. She needs a break. This was the best opportunity for her. I was happy. Even planning a trip out there midweek. Just to hang out for a day or so.

Plans hit the ceiling. Damn, we have no luck. Miss ♥D has been having issues with her home. For a while now. But since she lives with me 95% of the time, we really haven't pushed to fix a lot of these things. But the plumbing in her master bath, it's shot. And she woke up to a horrible surprise this AM. All this after an eventful evening.

Instead of kicking back all week. ♥D is now dealing with plumbing and construction issues. Not exactly as planned. But what can you do? It's life. My PR guy also jacked up, looks like I probably won't be west bound anytime soon. Pisses me off. Of all times, I know ♥D needs me right now. It's a damn good thing, that she is a strong woman.

A usually quiet day, in our neck of the woods, has become a headache. On all sides. Add in some unusual family drama, on both fronts, and I'm pretty sure that the lady and I, are both ready to hideout. It's just been that kind of day. Leading into that kind of a week. I've never looked forward to work, as much as I do right now. Because the sooner I dig into that, the closer I will be to next Monday. Our day off. Which, we're taking off. D

Missing My Family

There are days when I really miss my family. Today is one of them. Not so much because I am missing my niece's 1st birthday party. But because I miss these family get-togethers. When I was younger and had to go to 2-3 family parties a week, I hated it. But I didn't appreciate them for what they were. Time with family.

I am not particularly close to my little niece. In reality, I have seen her twice in 1 year. And I am not particularly close to my brother. We are almost 30 years apart in age. And he just wasn't around a whole lot when I was growing up. When I was under 5, yeah. But I don't remember spending much time with him since I was 5.

But I miss just being home sometimes. Seeing my family. Enjoying laughs and good times. I miss the silliness of the kids. The amazing food. And all the familiar faces. We are not your normal or typical family by any means. We are not the closest and most loving. But we are family. And there are just certain days that I miss them.

XOXO

♥D

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone

Artist: Marvin Gaye

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

It's not warm when she's away.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

And she's always gone too long.

Anytime she goes away.

Wonder this time where she's gone.

Wonder if she's gone to stay.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

And this house just ain't no home.

Anytime she goes away.

I know x 16

Gotta leave the young thing alone

There ain't no sunshine when she's gone

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

Only darkness every day.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

And this house just ain't no home.

Anytime she goes away.

Anytime she goes away.

Anytime she goes away.

Anytime she goes away.

The first time ♥D and I spent time away from each other, I heard this song. I heard it 5X's on the radio in 1 hr. Now every time we spend a good period of time away from one another, I think about this song. It might sound crazy, but this song tells the story of how I feel. There really is no sunshine in my life when ♥D is not around. Even if we are apart for just 3 days, it feels like lifetimes.

1 day is too long to be away from ♥D. I know that there are times when we have to be apart. But life is just not the same without her. Life isn't as fun or happy. Food doesn't taste the same. Music doesn't sound the same. And with the way my career has been going, time away from ♥D can feel like a punishment. Counting the days until my sunshine returns. D

Wedding on the Brain

I am in the air. On my way home to be in my friends' wedding. I am really excited! But also really stressed out. Last night, I should have gotten more stuff accomplished. But I didn't. Oh, well. I can't cry about it now. Life just got in the way. But I have my long list in hand.

I am praying that my dress fits when I pick it up. I am pretty sure that the shoes will fit. Come on. My foot has not grown. But the dress. I am a little worried. Because some of my clothes have been fitting a little loose lately. It's a good thing C is going to be around later. She already said if there needs to be adjustments made, we can do that tonight.

As soon as I land, I have so much to do. I have to pick up my dress and shoes. Then drive over an hour home. I'm hoping the traffic isn't too bad. Once in my town, I need to pick up flowers, go to Hobby Lobby, then the grocery store, Sally Beauty Supply, and Target. Oh, and I am supposed to have dinner at the G Family's house. Woo hoo! I get to see the precious girls! And all my friends. I am really excited to see my goddaughters! :O)

But I kind of feel bad about leaving this week. D has been a little mopey. He is trying to hide it. But hasn't done too good. It has just been a weird week around here. And our friends are going a little crazy. We have been stuck in the middle of all their nonsense. Poor D has to deal with them. At least he is leaving later today for work. It should get a little easier on him.

Maybe the guys and him will have some good "Guy Time" while I'm gone. I know that I am looking forward to some much needed "Girl Time" with my friends. I am sure D is in need of the same, good quality time with his friends. Here's to a good weekend! One that will make our hearts grow fonder!

XOXO

♥D

Not Ready at All!

At some point in my life, I need to learn how to say "NO!" I still haven't learned. That is probably why I am completely stressed out right now. D and I always have schedules that usually hold 48 hours worth of work, and we are supposed to do it in 12 hours. Can you imagine that we each have a schedule like that? But that never seems like enough for myself.

My close friends are getting married on Saturday. So I am heading home. These are friends that I was super close to a few years ago. I am a musician, and there was a group of us that worked pretty much Thursday afternoon through late Sunday night. Each and every week, plus rehearsals and teaching some local kids. We spent so much time together, usually seeing each other every day. And most importantly, we are like family. A group of young adults, on their own, who are like a family. Most of us were in college at the time. Just trying to survive. And really depending on each othere. But the guys were like my big brothers. The kind of guys that I could completely depend on.

When my friends asked me to be in the wedding, I was so thrilled! They have been dating over 10 years. And were engaged about a year and a half ago. I am very excited. I get to see so many of my friends. It has been a while. Most of them have moved away to pursue a career in music. That alone is exciting. And like a crazy person, I have to work until Thursday morning. Then I am leaving in the afternoon.

When I get back home, I still have a HUGE list of things to do. I have to pick up my dress and shoes. And I am hoping the dress shop will still be open when I get into town. If not, I am in so much trouble! Because on Friday, before the rehearsal and all of that, I am hosting a bridal luncheon/bridal shower/get-together/bridal tea/pre-wedding spa day. Yeah, I kinda wonder why I agreed. Not that I don't love my friend, but because I have no time to prepare for it!

I am working all week. And honestly, I have to wait until I get there to shop. I have my list ready. And I have made a bunch of calls to order things or put them on hold for me. But it still has me stressed out! I have a whole vision of what I want this day to be like, but I don't know if I have the time to get it done. And because my house is an hour away from the wedding location and the dress shop, things have to go exactly as planned. I need to pick up my dress and shoes on Thursday because I won't have any time to on Friday. And I have to keep everyone on track on Friday. Because we can't be late to the rehearsal.

So I am keeping my fingers crossed. My list is by my side and all the calls have been made. I am just anxious to be going home. And anxious to see all of my friends. I just hope I have enough time to get everything done and still enjoy the wedding. For now, I need to get back to figuring out the details of my plan.

XOXO

♥D

Good Change of Pace

Today was a good day. Well, at least so far. I had a good workout earlier. The kind that leaves you weak at the end. Where you know that tomorrow you are going to be moving slowly. But I enjoy the soreness after a good workout. It makes me feel like I really did something good. I also feel more energetic! There is something about a good workout that leaves you feeling good. I think it is because of all the sweating you do.

I am also trying to prepare for a party that I am hosting late next week. I can't buy a whole lot of the stuff right now. Because I am flying out to the location where the party will be. And I just can't see myself flying with a bunch of luggage, filled with wedding type decor and gifts. Until then, I am writing out a detailed list of things I need to buy. But I have been making some items for the party. The individual things that make these type of parties so special. I have also been making some bags for the girls. I want to fill them with some fun gifts and things to remember our "Girls' Day."

And I've been planning out the menu. It is going to be a day long, type of pre-wedding day, "Girls' Day." So I am thinking lots of different kinds of finger foods. I haven't decided if I am going to make a bunch of Tapas or just the regular party finger foods. I kind of want to talk to my friend before I make my decision. I would prefer Tapas, but it about the Bride, not me! I am really excited about everything though. It will be a good time for all of us.

Today I am also planning on going through my closet to see if I can get rid of anything around here. We have so much stuff! And I really do need to get rid of some of it. I have a basket of makeup that I really don't use. Some of my friends will really like that. I am also going through my closet to see what clothes I don't really use. I am thinking about donating a bunch of my old bridesmaids' dresses. Some of them are really cute. Like for a young girl going to a school dance. Because as gorgeous as they are, I will never wear them again. My friends have good taste, they are not your "typical" bridesmaids' dresses.

So, I am really busy. But it is the good kind of busy. The kind that makes me feel accomplished when I have finished everything. I need to pack for this weekend and next. Thank goodness we have some help. Because we also have lots of shopping that needs to be done. How can we already be out of shampoo again? And food? But we will get it all done!

XOXO

♥D

My Sister's Birthday

Today is my sister's 38th Birthday! I cannot believe it. She is the youngest of my 3 older sisters. But I still can't believe she is turning 38!

It has been such a long time since I have talked to her. J seems to just be doing her own thing, conquering the world. I am proud of her and her accomplishments. But I was just thinking about her today.

Not that long ago, my Mom and I were talking about when J was born. It was a cute story. And although my Mom was only 19 at the time, she really did love J and tried her hardest to provide the best for J and our brother M. Most of all, Mom just loves J. I think she secretly wishes J would come around more often.

I remember when I was younger and how cool I thought it was to spend time with J. J used to surprise me at school with a quick visit to my class. Always bringing me something cool. She had a VW Bug, a red one with cow print seats covers. We would put the top down and go cruising. It was always so much fun! And we always went to eat at D's. My sister has worked at 3 restaurants...D's, Q's and G's. I would always get so excited to go see her.

But today is about J. I hope she knows how much I love her! Because she has a very special place in my heart. Happy Birthday Jay-Jay!

XOXO

♥D

Finally!

For weeks...maybe longer...I have been trying...to get a hold...of a close friend of mine...from back home.

I don't know exactly what was going on, but I finally got to talk to her a few minutes ago. Seriously, it had been forever. I had called...and called...and called! My last bit of hope was to send her a note last week. OK, so it turned into a couple of notes. My friend J did good, he actually mailed them for me earlier this week.

Anyway, I got to talk to M. It was only for a few minutes. But hey, we talked. She is a very close friend of mine. Someone that I normally talk to 3-4 times a week. When I am home, I try to have lunch with her. At one point, we would have lunch together 4 times a week, if not more. We were in college...or at least I was. And life was simple. After my classes, I would meet her for lunch. And we would talk...and talk...and talk. Literally for hours!

But since summer started, well it has been almost impossible to talk. Until today. It was kinda our of the blue. But D decided to head off to get something...and I decided to call M. Things are good. We even planned to meet up for a "Girls' Day." An entire day of hanging out together next week. Everything from breakfast to shopping to lunch. I cannot wait!

XOXO

♥D

Going on a Vacay

We are going on vacation today! Woohoo!!! OK, we will be gone roughly a week and a half. All I can tell you is that we are going somewhere tropical. Yes, nice and warm. Lots of sun, clear water, and sand. I can already feel my feet in the sand...and we are only on the plane. :O)

We are going to enjoy the sun and the sea...

A few tropical sunsets...

Maybe even playing in the sand...

Oh yeah! We enjoyed a good breakfast with V and her fiance this morning. It was nice to just remember the good times at college. V, E, and myself were interns at the same hospital, in the town we went to college at. We were pretty hilarious! The song Unwritten was like our "Theme Song." It really did fit us at the time. V left for Dallas about 6 months after we initially started our internships. She graduated and had bigger dreams. That and she is originally from Texas.

E and I probably worked together another year. Then she graduated and got married. I was her maid of honor. They had a cool 50s type of wedding. 50s cars included! Then they moved to Florida. Her and her husband were in grad school there. They are actually thinking about moving back to our small college town. They miss it. And now E has a Master's Degree in Nutrition and her RD. Her husband has a PhD.

I think D loved hearing about the silly things we did back then. I am the youngest of the three of us, and definitely got picked on more. D liked hearing about the crazy things I used to get into at work. Especially the story of me breaking my finger when I worked at Hooter's. :O) It was a long time ago, I needed a job, and in a small town...you can't be picky!

And before I could leave town, I had to stop at this adorable stationary shop. I bought a bunch of notecards, pens, and stationary. All of which I didn't need. But it definitely brightened my day! I gotta go people...we are going on vacay!

XOXO

♥D

♥D is Going to Dallas

♥D is on her way to Dallas. She has a medical conference out there. She will be back tomorrow afternoon. Just in time for me to work. ♥D has been excited about this trip. It is one of those quick trips that she does for work. People think I travel a lot for work. ♥D has me beat by far.

I am proud of her. Her accomplishments make mine look like mole hills, instead of the mountains that people make them out to be. The work that she does with kids is absolutely amazing. I cannot understand how one human being can have so much love and kindness to share. But she does. Those kids just love her to pieces. But I can understand why.

I cannot lie. I already miss ♥D. She hasn't been gone for long. But the energy is different without her around. One of my buddies came by earlier. He could tell. We played a couple of video games and had some beer. But it wasn't the same.

It is times like this that I realize just how special ♥D is. Just how much I have grown to rely on her. I decided to call it a night early. But it hasn't been the same. It's the little things that make me miss those sweet brown eyes of hers.

My buddies might give me a hard time. But she is the one for me. From the beginning I knew it. Times like this, just emphasize it. ♥D I hope you have a good time. D

Cuppy Cake Love

I seriously LOVE me some Cuppy Cakes! They are too cute for words. A small taste of heaven. I get so excited talking about them, that I can barely form words. Much less talk in complete sentences. Cuppy Cakes are perfect little packages!

Whether they are drawn pictures....Walking cupcake people...Crochet cupcakes...Colorful cuppy cakes...Every day cupcakes...

Cuppy cakes in ice cream cones...

Or Birthday Cuppy Cakes...

I seriously have a deep and emotional LOVE for cuppy cakes! And I have spread it over to my nieces and nephews. So much so, that whenever I go to family-get -togethers or parties, they expect cupcakes. I am also known to send them some cupcakes when I am not around. :O)

When I make them for my nieces and nephews, I make a shorter cupcake. Then I load them up with icing. All the way to the sky! The icing is always brightly colored. Sometimes I add some sprinkles or candy. Something to make them special. And more importantly sugary, candy, icing filled bites of heaven!

OK, so they eat the icing and candy, then feed the dog G the actual cake part of the cupcake. Sometimes they will give them to my older brother J to eat. It just depends who is around and how many cupcakes they are "eating."

Today something happened that I did not expect. My nephews J and E called to Thank me for their cupcakes. They were so excited about them. And the Sprinkles! Which my brother J thought they were saying sparklers. Like the kind you light on the 4th of July. No bro...sprinkles. AKA Candy!!! E had 3 and J had 2. My brother ate J's 3rd cupcake!

I am glad they enjoyed them! And I am so glad I have these itty bitties to spoil. One day I know I will regret filling them up with sugar. Imagine what my family is going to feed my kids? But it is nice to be able to share my love of cuppy cakes with the next generation!

XOXO

♥D

She's 16!!!

I still cannot believe today is my niece E's 16th birthday! It completely shocks me to my core. And makes me feel like I am 100 years old! I was just 10 years old when she was born. And it seems like yesterday. My parents and I had decided to go to the cabin for the 4th of July. My grandparents lived across the street. A dirt road actually. Early in the morning, my grandma came to tell us that E had been born. It was a girl! S had a new little sister. We were so excited. It would be a few days before we got to meet the newest addition to our family. E would remain close to us, all these years later. Going to the cabin and claiming her very own bedroom.

The memories I have of E are all too hilarious! Her first visit to the cabin left E sleeping in a dresser drawer. We pulled the drawer out, emptied it, placed a few blankets inside, and she slept soundly through the night. Her first Christmas, her family came to visit us at the cabin. She wanted to see the snow falling. All at once, she knocked S (her older sister, 2 and 1/2 at the time) off the small step stool and into the Christmas tree. All you saw was the tree fall down, S hit the floor crying, and E proudly perched on the stool looking out the window.

A few years later, we took E and her younger sister N to the mountains for a few days. It was summer time. My mom and I decided to bake cookies with the girls. At the time they were maybe 3 and 4. We were going to make peanut butter cookies and M&M cookies. Immediately the girls were fighting about who was going to make what. E had already chosen to help my mom. My mom was making the peanut butter cookies. E was not happy at all! N was so excited to be baking with the mini M&Ms. My mom tried to show E that you get to make designs with a fork for the peanut butter cookies. She was not having it! Not even when my mom showed her how to dunk the warm cookies in sugar.

After the baking was done, and we had had dinner, the girls proudly gave grandpa a taste of their treasured cookies. We all tasted both kinds. Everyone seemed happy. They went to bed quite happy that night. Only for me to find N sitting outside their shared bedroom crying. E had thrown her out. I picked up N and took her to my room for the night. E was all too happy to have the bed to herself! :O)

I think about the things she did as a kid. They still make me smile. How many times did she button the top button of my Dad's shirt? I always remember her sitting at the kitchen table working hard at her homework. And that proud day she graduated from the 8th grade with honors.

Her life has not been easy. She had a tough start to life. At one point, we didn't think she would see her 1st birthday. E spent so much time in the PICU. She struggled with an illness for years. Her parents separation, and the fight over her and her sisters. Which ultimately ended in the separation of sisters. It has been a tough road. One in which she has overcome so very much! I am so proud of E. She is now a slimmer version of herself, much healthier I might add. She is in high school, and on the Honor Roll. E even works at a hospital. I am so very proud of the young woman that she is becoming. Now we just need to schedule a "Girls Day" to celebrate 16 wonderful years!

XOXO
♥D