Hopeful

Today Miss ♥D has a doctor's appointment. We've learned to hold our breath, when it comes to these appointments. Especially lately. It's tough to think about anything else going wrong. I go into these things, trying to be as supportive and strong, as I possibly can. Being her rock. Inside, I feel completely sick. Out of control.

This is the only thing that I can't control, in life. I can't pay someone, so that Miss ♥D is feeling better. You can't buy good health. As much as I'd like to. You just can't. I've learned that the hard way. That's a tough pill to swallow.

Early this morning, I got a kiss from Miss ♥D. She had to work. 2 hours away. It made for an early morning for her. But even with that, I try to make it easier on her. Knowing that she had a doctor's appointment, and that we're leaving for NY later, I got a car service to drive her. With that sweet kiss, I began to silently pray.

Any other day, I would have gone back to sleep. My work day, starting hours later. But I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about the woman I love. And what she must be going through. Knowing that at any moment, as she calls it, "The Big C" can get totally out of control. Things that she so neatly organizes, can blow up.

I sat there. With our dogs. Just thinking. I know that she's "The One" for me. I've always known this. From the day I first met her. I just can't imagine life without her. I really can't. Over the last 3 years, I've really learned to love. I need Miss ♥D, like one needs air or water, to live.

I try not to let my mind go there. But sometimes I wonder, what if... It's a horrible thing to imagine. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. I have to remind myself to stay hopeful. To remember that she's beaten it thus far. I've also learned to not count on certain things. That the fact that Miss ♥D's health doesn't get worse, well that's a damn good thing. Bad news, is when things get worse. It may sound odd to people when I say, I don't want her health to be worse off, just the same as last time. A bonus would be better. Complete health, that's a miracle. But if she's not worse, that's good too.

Today, I've tried to work. I've been thinking about all sorts of things. But mostly, that I want to be there, for the woman I love. I don't care about the rest. This work, it will get done. If not today, there's tomorrow. Traveling to NY, well, we'll get there, when we get there. I'm not worried about that. I'm only worried about Miss ♥D. My word for today is, HOPEFUL. D

We're on the Mend

The 2 of us are feeling better. Much better really. D is pretty much over whatever we had. I am getting there. Going to the doctor...it will do wonders for you. Really it does! The homemade soup, it was a gift from heaven. When I was little, my mom used to make a potato soup or veggie soup whenever I got sick. It always worked wonders! D's grandma, she made us chicken noodle soup yesterday. I think that alone helped us to feel better!

D is at work. This morning before he left, he was really happy. Something that he hasn't been...when it comes to work...in quite a LONG time. This is really good news! But D was almost glowing about going to a meeting. It was almost asking too much of me to not crack up laughing!

I have been going through the mail this morning. It is one of my favorite things to do. Really it is! L, probably my best friend ever, sent me a package from Boston. It is loaded with tons of fun trinkets and tidbits. He also sent the most amazing antique glass box. I am over the moon! And Little M...she made me a necklace at her summer camp. She is 3 and 1/2...the half is very important to her...and is going to her first summer day camp. She LOVES it. And decided to make me a necklace. The mail today...it is GREAT!

D's sister and nieces want to spend some "Girl Time" with me today. I am not 100% yet, but I think it will be fun. D worked hard to convince me to spend a couple of hours with them. He thinks it will make me feel better. And I cannot disagree! I would love to see those little sweethearts again. It seems like it has been a while since we have spent some good quality time together.

That's pretty much all that is going on from our part of the woods. Seriously, that is it. The fur babies are happy. D is happy and healthy. The mail was great today! I'm feeling better. And we are home for a few days!

XOXO

♥D

Nothing New

Folks there is nothing new on our end. ♥D and I are still sick. I feel about 95%. ♥D is about 70%. She is trying to convince me otherwise. But we are a matching color of pale to gray. We spent the morning at the doctors' office. Not too bad. ♥D was already scheduled for this appointment. She had a test. No answers. The 2 of us got shots and medicine for whatever they say we have. Some kind of stomach virus or something like that. We have a good supply of chicken noodle soup, crackers, and 7UP. My grandma made the homemade soup. Mom brought everything over. That right there, is going to get us both to 100%. That's it folks! We are resting, sleeping, watching movies, taking medicine, and eating soup. D

A Survey of Sorts

I'm not feeling good today. I think I have whatever D has/had. I'm the same grey color that D has been for days. With the same awful fever! I think it is the stomach flu or something like that. I won't give you all the awful details, but it is bad! I couldn't sleep last night because of this fever. So I got up and went to sit outside. Yes, I did! All bundled up in blankets, and drinking 7UP.

So folks, I am not really going to blog today. More like answer a survey thing that my friend sent me. Then I am going to go curl up on the couch...and sleep. Because D is off to work. And I don't feel well. I hope that we get home relatively early.

XOXO

♥D

1. I love.​.​.​sleeping outside, on a rainy night.
2. Right now I want...to feel better. No, really I am tired of being sick!
3. I feel like...a truck just ran me over. Then left me to die in the middle of the desert...with no water!
4. I hate it when...the night is not long enough and the morning comes to soon.
5. I fear...that I won't ever find my niche in the world.
6. I'm lonely without.​.​.​D. Enough said.
7. I need...to feel better.
8. Today I...will sleep until D is ready to go home.
9. Tomorrow I'm...going to the doctor. It is so annoying. But it is something I have to do.
10. I just...need to figure out which way I am going in life.
11. I want to meet...me 10 years from now.
12. I'm hungry for...absolutely nothing at all!
13. I love it when...I wake up feeling like the pressure has been lifted, even for just 5 minutes.
14. I'm afraid of...the future. It seems a little scary. But I am ready for it.
15. I'm listening to...the TV. The Klondike commercial is on.
16. I'm wearing.​.​.​pajamas and long socks.
17. I wish I was in...my bed at home.
18. I'm craving.​.​.​a tall glass of 7UP. It seems to be the only thing working today.
19. I want to get...a new sewing machine or computer. Either would make me really happy!
20. I can...make it. I really can!
21. I can't...do it all alone. Even if I think I can. Even if I say I can.
22. I have...the love of my man to help me out.
23. I haven't...talked to my friends back home in forever!
24. I'm nervous to...decide on my future when it comes to school and work.
25. My Mom thinks I'm...never going to have kids.
26. My Dad thinks I'm...a rock that never crumbles. He is wrong.
27. I think...life is pretty good right now. Considering my health and the current state of his career.
28. I'm happy when...I'm in D's arms and the world is a million miles away.
29. I'm sad when...I can't be at D's side.
30. I like eating...fruit and ice cream.
31. I hate eating...liver and onions.
32. I love watching...live performances. Be it musical concerts or stage plays.
33. I love listening to...songs that invoke my soul.
34. I like playing...pretend. With D, life sometimes feels like we are playing pretend when I was 35. I have my price charming and our own castle.
36. I hate waking up to...loud noises. They make me wake up too fast and forget the small details of my amazing dreams.
37. I can see...a fork in my road. And I need to start making decisions now.
38. I'm glad that...I found D.
39. I'm disappointed that...my siblings and I aren't closer.
40. I look like...death becomes her. Really I do!
41. I wish I looked like...Sam from GH. She is gorgeous!

Sick Saturday

D is still sick. Poor man. I don't know what exactly happened. He didn't look good yesterday morning. D insisted it was lack of sleep. I didn't believe him. And as the day progressed, he looked worse! But I got here early this morning. Way to early if you ask me. D was in full "sweat effect" mode. His fever broke early this morning. But he is still not feeling well. The mere mention of food makes him sick. I can't even convince him to eat soup. I've tried. The furthest I got, was convincing him to drink 7UP. He is also grey! The color of grey is not so good. But it is getting better. At least since yesterday.

Right now, I am watching PBS. All the food shows. Don't you just love Saturday afternoons? When they show all of these food and garden shows. Diary of a Foodie and Garden Smart are becoming some of my favorites! I actually got some ideas from Everyday Food. I can't wait to try them! And I just LOVE to hear Pepin talk. It is kind of weird, I know. But I love his accent. D was not to pleased with my selection of shows. So he is in bed. I think that is best though. Really, I do! You should see how bad he looks. And his fever is coming back!

I am going to have some soup. I made homemade chicken noodle. It is really good. Even if it is close to 100*F outside! I think I will eat some soup and continue learning about flowers to plant in our garden. Maybe D will be feeling better by tonight. He did have a good day at work. But right now, he is just under the weather.

XOXO

♥D

Heading to Work

I might die before I get there. But I am going. Last night when I took ♥D to the hospital I started feeling bad. It has gotten worse. Man, I am sicker than a dog! Just prayin' for a miracle here. Soon I will be in my "office" and I have to work. No calling in sick.

♥D is still in the hospital. She gets out later today. I think she has decided to meet me for the weekend. I think she should stay home and rest. But she thinks differently. At least she can sleep here. We still have no answers. In a way, that worries me.

♥D is down because she had to change her plans to go home. But her health is more important. There will be other weeks to travel out west. Gonna go. This thing is getting worse. I need some rest. A miracle. Maybe a doctor or 2. Possibly some medicine. D

A Day at Home

It is somewhat of a "Stay-at-Home" kinda day for me. I am being a "Homebody" for the most part today. Really I am. Earlier today I went to the hospital for a somewhat "routine" procedure. And I have to return later tonight. Just for an hour or so. Then I start praying...and hoping for the best.

D has been great about it too! I don't think he got much sleep last night. But he drove me to the hospital at 4AM while I slept in the passenger's seat. My appointment was for 5AM and the hospital is about an hour away. He brought me back home, put me to bed, made me breakfast, took the doggies out, got ready for work, made sure I had my medicine, and left for work. All before 9AM. Goodness, he is a good man!

I slept until about 9:30AM. Being sick sure does make you tired! I think in the last few weeks I have slept more than I have in my previous 26 years. No lie! But I enjoyed my breakfast...pancakes with fruit! All while watching Regis and Kelly. But I didn't stop there. The fur babies and I sat on the couch and watched The View. My mouth was watering while I watched Tyler Florence. Seriously, the man can cook! Thinking about making it for D for dinner tonight. It just sounds too good! Forget his "Healthy Eating Plan." There are plenty of days for that! He probably would have enjoyed the "Hungry Girl" segment...I have been following her for years because of school.

And I also started us a Twitter account. Who knows what will actually get posted there. I guess you will just have to take a look. Then I played with my personal account for way too long! I finally decided to follow some people. Because I was only following 1 person. Yes, 1 person! Got that all cleared up. And I was actually having some fun on Twitter.

Now I am doing laundry. I have actually been doing laundry for a while now. But I have to. We have so much dirty laundry! I cannot believe that 2 people can dirty that much clothes. But apparently, WE CAN! And it didn't help that we hadn't been home in weeks. Yes, peeps I said weeks! Therefore, I have done 6 loads of laundry and it doesn't even look like I have made a dent.

Now I am off to do some crafting! It has been a while since I have done some serious crafting. A long...long...LONG WHILE. My craft room is literally crying for me to go in. I have been crocheting pretty regularly. But that is generally easy. I can stick a project in my bag and go. I have probably made 5-6 baby blankets in the last 2 months. But I am wanting to do more crafts. I have been wanting to make a couple of aprons. One for my parent's neighbor's granddaughter. Did you get that? Yeah, I know. Her birthday is in July and she is just too cute! I made her a crochet tea set with desserts. I just thought an apron would go good with it.

I should get going. The wash just finished and I can already hear the clothes in the dryer wrinkling. And for a girl that doesn't like to iron...that is no good. Have a great day!

XOXO

♥D

Technically it is Tomorrow

It is. 3 minutes into Wed. As honest as the day is long. It has been a rough one.

Work went well. Honestly it was better than it has been for a long time. A long time. I am ready for the weekend like ♥D is ready for chocolate. If you don't know us. That is 100%. Things seem to be really falling into place. It is about time.

♥D's health on the other hand. We seem to be up in the air about that. The appointment today did not go as planned. We will be back tomorrow. I mean today. In 5 hours to be honest. Plans are changed. But I remain hopeful. What else can I say? I have to be her rock. To let her know that I am here for her no matter what happens. D

Back to Reality

It has already been a pretty crazy day. I finally talked to my Dad about some school stuff. The two of us had a good talk this morning. We laid it all on the table. And after some tears on my end, I think we are finally seeing eye to eye on things. I just think he better understands me now.

The Man Beast, AKA D, is off to work. He was pretty excited about going. Especially when he realized he would be "Airwolfing" it to work. That just made me laugh. But it is good to see him excited about work again. I just think he needed a break. And this vacation was perfect for him!

I, on the other hand, am pretty stressed out. I have a seriously important doctors appointment later today. And I can't help but be worried...and stressed out about it. I am just praying things go OK. Then I also have this whole school and career thing that is just got me in knots. I don't know what I am going to do. I need to do some serious thinking about this.

For now, I am working on some gifts. One of D's good friends recently had a baby girl. So I am doing some finishing touches to some gifts. We bought some, and I made some. I can't wait to go visit the little princess!

And I am giving our "Fur Babies" some love. I know they missed us. So we are just hanging out together while "Daddy" is gone working. Really, the pups need love. They have followed me everywhere, and I mean everywhere, since we got home.

XOXO

♥D

Back in Dallas

♥D and I are back in Dallas. If you read her post from yesterday, you know what happened. ♥D made it back to where I was working yesterday morning. She spent the day and most of the night sleeping. It was all good. She definitely needed it. ♥D's entire right hand side of her face is 3X's it's normal size. Her ear is as red as a can of Bud.

After the lackadaisical year that I am having. Last night did not surprise me. Work is just not going well. It's improving. But not nearly as fast as I need or want it to. This vacation is just what I need and want.

♥D had to attend the conference today. I thought why not? We headed out here late last night. I checked the entire room from top to bottom. Happy to say there is not an ant to be seen. I am a little sore from work. Thinking about a hot shower and a nap. We are going out to a nice dinner tonight.

I can almost guarentee that ♥D will want to at least go shopping at one store before we leave. She definitely has some connection with Dallas. I am thinking we might have breakfast with her college friend tomorrow. I actually enjoy those types of things. I get to hear great stories about ♥D and her life before I met her.

It is a little difficult to learn about the pre-relationship ♥D because of our relationship. Few people know about it. Especially on her side. A mutual buddy, J, gives some great insight. As frequently as I can, I try to convince a friend or 2 of hers to travel with us. It's just a nice change of pace. D

Attack of the Fire Ants

For the second time in less than two weeks, I was attacked by fire ants. No lie! The first part of July found me doing paperwork, in the middle of the night, at the hospital. We had a family bring in 3 small kids covered in fire ants. Yes, fire ants. The entire ER and PICU teams were called to assist. We thought we were covered and protected. But most of us were bitten pretty badly.

Have I mentioned? I am allergic to insect bites. Once I began to have trouble breathing, I was immediately taken off the case. All of a sudden...I became a patient too! After a shower and a few shots, I was feeling better. And I was sent home. Things had been going fairly well since then.

I have continued to take my medication. And honestly, it was going pretty well. Better than some of the doctors who were working that night. My friend and colleague, Dr. M was attacked in the "unmentionables." Poor man. And Dr. A was attacked on his bald head. Seriously, why would you bite someone on the head?

Then there was this trip to Dallas. I definitely did not see this one coming. I thought it would be a quick trip back and forth. And we were staying in a $500 a night hotel. Actually, it is one of the best hotels here...if not THE BEST. But I didn't know there has been a recent bug problem in Dallas. It's Texas after all. People you should expect BIG THINGS when you come to Texas.

In the middle of the night when I got here, the Bellhops were killing and cleaning up roaches outside. I didn't think much about it. Probably because I was exhausted! I went straight to my room and to bed.

I woke up around 3AM. And I swear, I could hear something burring in my ear. I could not sleep. I began to get ready for the day. Then I started to remember the Medical Mystery show D and I had watched a few weeks ago. The lady had a junebug stuck in her ear. They had to kill it, then pull it out. It was close to burring in her eardrum. I was freaking out!

By 4:15AM, when I met the doctors from the hospital I work at, I was going crazy! Dr. S looked in there, but he couldn't see anything. Are you serious? I can hear it. Dr. M was not a happy camper either! Apparently, he had ants in his room...fire ants. And they had attacked somewhere he would rather not talk about. He got a different room.

We got to the hospital by 4:30AM. I couldn't take it any more. Dr. S pulled some strings in the ER and I was in. The doctors looked, but couldn't see anything! I started to tell them about the hotel, Dr. M's fire ants, and they began to put it together. That and the entire right side of my face was swelling up!

Meanwhile, my friends and colleagues were in the conference. And I am laying on an ER bed all alone. It was something about those moments that made me feel very alone and very small. I thought about calling D, but I knew he had a big day today...he needed his rest. And this news would only worry him. So I lay there...thinking. The doctors finally trickled in some alcohol solution. And all at once, these fire ants came out of my ear. After doing this a couple of times, and me laying there forever...the doctors finally looked inside my ear.

Those pesky little critters bit my ear pretty badly inside...and my face on the outside. Once we knew what had happened, I called Dr. S's wife. She checked my room and found all these ants in my pillow. Yup, in my pillow. She looked through my things and packed them up. Making sure that no ants were with my things.

No more ants, my face is swollen, and I am now here at the hospital waiting. They are going to release me. And I am on my way out of town. Yeah, I am not going to the conference. In fact, I have already missed part of it. So I am supposed to rest and take some medicine. I will be back Sunday like planned. But for now, I am ready for some quality sleep...without the ants!

XOXO

♥D